What Is BDSM? An In-Depth Beginners Guide
Essential resources to help you journey into BDSM and learn how to be safe, confident and educated. BDSM is a personal journey, learn how to start yours here.
What is “BDSM”?
BDSM is a broad term focusing on the pillars of the kink community, the word BDSM creates different mental images for each person, with so many kinds of people and kinks no one opinion of what BDSM is will truly be the same person to person. Important to understand, BDSM is not just dungeon masochism/sadism as seen in the media. There are gentle sides too as well (like caregiving). There is something for everyone, even if you don’t know the name of it yet. BDSM is about becoming more intimate with your own feelings and understanding yourself better. Taking small steps and exploring what is out there you enjoy (or not enjoy) is all part of the journey.
It’s important to understand that BSDM is a community for many. Privacy, respect, anonymity and safety are the pillars that people will demand from you within the BDSM community, in all spaces you venture to. The BDSM community runs deep, later on I will cover how to find it.
Always remember, BDSM is about your personal journey to find what makes you deviant and the connections you make with others along the way.
BDSM dynamics must have X
One of the most common views from people outside the community is how BDSM is based around basement looking dungeons with tons of scary equipment. While these are popular concepts shown in media, they are not the path you will find yourself on or even what a lot of BDSM is for the quiet majority. For many, this is not an accessible/recommended path for beginners. A dedicated dungeon can easily approach $1000’s in equipment, leaving most unable to throw that in a spare bedroom at a whim. Most relationships/dynamics make do with what they have, such as a modest equipment/toy chest of things they use regularly (that you may already have). It’s beneficial to consider having a comfortable budget of at least $100 dollars on toys and explore what works and what does not work for you before investing on more expensive equipment. Always upgrade the cheap stuff you enjoy before spending more on what you may not. You do not need $100’s of dollars in equipment to start out, and for some kinks, you need very little equipment, sometimes none at all.
If a Dom or Sub wants to take things to the next level to have a dungeon experience, consider renting first and see if you both like it before investing in building one!
What Does The BDSM Acronym Mean?
It is the acronym used to signify the different sects of the kink community, together it’s referred to as “BDSM”. The image below explains how each set of kinks relates to the letters in the BDSM acronym.
Learn to walk before you run!
BDSM can be dangerous! One example, in rope bondage you need to be educated about nerve areas, circulation, range of motion test and have trauma shears before you dive in. Diving head first into BDSM is hard to resist, but take it slow and always review safety concerns for your kinks before pushing new boundaries. BDSM should always be about safety and minimizing or eliminating risks that would cause any real harm to an individual. Online porn rarely shows safety precautions or explains these concepts leading people to dive in with a false sense of security. Always try to research multiple opinions or experts (never relying on one person) and try to take a local course if those exist for you.
As final note, I recommend ALL submissives to learn about their own safety concerns in their kinks, never relying totally on a dominant to guide one’s own safety if you have the chance! More people are aware, the safer people are.