BDSM Roles Explained

How to find your BDSM role? Learn what BDSM role is & how to choose your role that fits best for you to help you make the right connections.

What do the three roles mean in BDSM? #

In BDSM, there are three primary roles:

• Submissives For those ONLY interested in giving up themselves to another individual, letting someone else set the scene for them.
• Dominants For those ONLY interested in being in control of another individual, being the one setting the experience for others.
• Switches For those OPEN to either, being the one in control or being the one under control. Normal for switches to lean and have a preference depending on the situation/partner.

Tip: You may hear the term “vanilla”. This is used to describe people who are not involved/slightly involved in BDSM and are “vanilla” in their sexual / kink interest. This means they are not kinky, or not involved in the BDSM community.

Do I need to know if I am a Dom, Sub, or Switch? #

Absolutely! Role dynamics are pivotal to having a good experience in BDSM. Roles determine what kind of individuals will be more inclined to interact with you. Knowing your role can also help with gaining a better understanding of yourself and what you like. It will help your partner understand your preferences and boundaries. If you’re uncertain of your role, you can use the BDSM test at the bottom of this site once you get done reading this guide. There is no right or wrong role, and your role may even change in time as you become more exposed to various kinks and even people.

Slang & Inferring Meanings #

There are multiple phrases/words that imply a gender or kinks to a word used to describe someone. For example, Domme is specifically used for female dominants, whereas “Daddy” refers to a male dominant. You can often assume a person’s leaning by the kinks they are interested in. Someone who calls themselves a daddy is not going to be a submissive, though they could potentially be a switch. Whenever in doubt, be sure to ask questions! We will cover honorifics later.

Are Doms Absolute & Subs Powerless? #

No! Your roles are just a framework to express what makes you deviant, and not rules to live by. If something feels not right, then STOP. BDSM is meant to be enjoyed, not something you avoid. If you are a submissive, you have a voice to say stop, and you should. Any dominant worth their salt will respect your concerns and lookout for your safety, and take your opinions seriously and act them. Safe words are a great way to go about this (they will be discussed more later).